Here's our 1 month photo!
Also, I don't think I ever posted my weekly photos. So here they are!
Love that I did this!
Within the last month, I have thought a lot about my first couple months when Zane was born. Everything I'm experiencing now with Nash, seems like I'm experiencing it for the first time. Why is that?? For so many reasons.
I don't remember! I was so preoccupied with so many things going on when Zane was born that I don't think I really soaked every experience in. Not only that, he had a rough start and it wasn't the same experience any one else would have with their newborn. Since he basically spent the first 3 weeks of his life in the hospital.. I missed out on a lot.
What do I mean? Simple things like his circumcision.. I didn't even remember how long it took to heal, what was normal and what wasn't.. All the things a new mom would think. But this is my second boy, I should know this!
How many poops is he supposed to have a day? Is this choking sound normal? Is he waking up enough during the night? My boobs are killing me!! What can I do to help??? All normal questions to have for a first time mommy, right? I think so..
Oh, and what interesting thoughts and conversations I have now at the age of 27 with 2 kiddos... WOW! Times sure have changed... I'm not worried about going to the bar tonight, how I'm getting home from the bar.. Etc. etc. I'm focused on my kids and husband now and the conversations may not be as "exciting" as before, but it's our lives and it's what we love. I wouldn't change it for the world.
Back to little Nash...
Nash is so different, yet exactly the same, as Zane. Does that make sense?
Nash is so much bigger! I remember Zane wearing newborn clothes and diapers for at least 2 months... Nash is 1 month and is wearing 3 month clothing. Geesh. I fee like I don't have my "little baby", but I know I do.
Nash is already batting at toys and playing on his activity mat. He can entertain himself for 15 minutes on it already. He was only 3 weeks old! Zane was much older when he started this.
They look like twins.. Sometimes when I'm holding Nash, I feel like I'm looking at Zane all over again. I love that they look so much alike.
Nash is definitely going to be a mommas boy. He loves to follow me with his eyes and finds me in the room when I talk. He lovesss me and the feeling is mutual ;)
It breaks my heart to know that I missed out on basically three weeks of Zane in the hospital where I did not get to hold him or bond with him the way I wanted to. I'm incredibly grateful I have been able to do this with Nash. It means the world to me.
I'm constantly calling my mom asking questions and she reassures me and reminds me that I don't remember a lot of the things that happened with Zane. Her voice- "All these things are normal, Katherine" and "you're baby is just fine" run through my head constantly. I guess I'm just afraid that something will happen to Nash, like something happened to Zane. I hope and pray not.
Zane loves his bubby so much. He will randomly go up to him and give him a kiss on his head or give him his wubbanub..
Watching Mickey together.
Zane regressed a little bit when Nash was born, but he is continuously getting better. We have our "not so good" days, but some days he will listen very well and be so good. Mommy loves those days! Sometimes I don't think Zane realizes when mommy is being serious. We are getting better though.
We had a great day celebrating my husband on Father's Day. I cooked him a yummy breakfast, we went shopping at the mall and let Zane play in the play area, we went out to lunch, then had a nice relaxing afternoon at home watching movies. It was just what he needed.
He is one proud daddy!
I am such a lucky momma... My boys love to cuddle and give me lots of loving.
Now Onto a new topic...
Breastfeeding...
I could write a book about the ups and downs of breastfeeding. Another thing that i experienced completely different this time around.
With Zane, he didn't eat for the first 4 days after he was born. I remember he fed for the first time for about 15 minutes the night before our first pediatrician appt. After he ate, he projectile vomited all over me. (Obviously the effect of his malrotation- for those who don't know, that is when the bowls are twisted and food cannot pass through the intestines. This requires surgery). When we went to the hospital, I was VERY engorged. Obviously.. He wasn't eating anything. When we arrived at the nicu, I was guided by a consultant on pumping and that began my two full weeks of purely pumping. This. Was. MISERABLE! pumping only for two weeks straight wasn't what I had in mind. When Zane finally came home, I breasted him until he was about 6 weeks old. I don't remember any of this part.. The only thing I do remember was getting mastitis one time and it was very painful. At that point, I wanted to stop. So I did. I was upset.. I felt as though I failed to continue breastfeeding as long as I initially wanted to. Eventually, I just stopped being so hard on myself.
This time around...
Nash has been eating very well. I had an issue with being engorged and in serious pain in the beginning. It was awful. I was constantly pumping and feeding him. I have quite a nice stash in the freezer which is awesome. But it also took so much time away from my boys to constantly be pumping. Eventually, I was able to get my supply down and just pump at night. Thank goodness!
I have a love and hate relationship with breastfeeding..
I love the fact that I get that closeness with Nash and getting him the best nutrients he deserves.
I hate that it takes time away from Zane. I'm tied down when I'm feeding and cannot get up if he needs me or if he's doing something he shouldn't be doing.
I hate that I don't feel like I can leave the house. Every time I go somewhere, I get engorged. Not that I don't feel comfortable breastfeeding in public, but I'd rather not. What do I wear to make it easier? Where can I go? Also, Nash isn't always with me. I run my errands when zach gets home so I don't have to drag the boys around. Therefore, I can't feed him. I'm so uncomfortable.
Ok, so obviously there's more things I am having difficulties with...
I knew zach wanted me to breastfeed not only for the health reasons for Nash, but also because we don't have to buy formula. I was nervous to tell him I wanted to stop soon. Well that was stupid... Duh, Katie. You married the most amazing man ever. He wasn't disappointed or upset at all. He is so incredibly supportive. He simply said " hunny, this is your body and I support whatever you want to do. If you want to stop, stop. It's no big deal". That's exactly what I needed to hear. Thankfully my husband is supportive of every decision I make. Gosh, I'm lucky. It's nice to be supported and encouraged from the man you married.
With that being said, I was slowly but surely stopping. Nash got formula for the first time this past weekend and tolerated it perfectly. We have a ton of breast milk in the freezer, so he will still be getting all that "breast goodness".
Every woman must decide for themselves whether breastfeeding is for them or not. I give a lot of credit to those mommas who breastfeed for months and also to those who don't. Because those who don't, have to often times deal with the pressure of "not breastfeeding". They can get looked down on (which isn't right).
Breastfeeding isn't for everyone. In fact, in my opinion, sometimes mommys shouldn't do it. If it's going to wear and tear on them, then they should stop. Mommys need to do what is best for them and their baby. And the best thing for your baby is for them to have a happy mommy. I wasn't happy breastfeeding Zane... And when I stopped, I was able to be such a happier and more hands on mommy with him. And I know I will be able to give more of myself to Zane and Nash when I stop soon. I don't always feel good and I'm ready to start feeling myself again.
For new mommies and soon to be mommies- do what is best for you and your baby. The pressure to breastfeed is intense, but don't let it make you feel bad if it doesn't work out for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment